Why I am postponing my second internship

For those of you who have memorized my itinerary, you know that I was supposed to start my second internship in Paris in the beginning of April. I’m not going to do that anymore. And even though I didn’t like having to put it off, or cancel it all together, I now think it is for the best and I made peace with the decision.

I hired an agency to find the internship for me. I told them what I wanted, which was an HR internship in Paris. They searched for me and I kept searching myself, but because I don’t speak French fluently yet, it was very hard to find an internship in this specific department. Makes sense though.

At first I thought maybe I could let go of my wish to do an internship in an HR department, because then at least I could live in Paris for a few months, but I decided that doing an internship in this department is what I really want to do. I want to see if I can combine my two studies (business and psychology) in this field and in order to figure that out, I need experience.

So after considering different countries and cities, my stress level rose because I still hadn’t found an internship and I was already traveling at this point. I needed to make a decision, mostly to get rid of the stress of not knowing what was coming next and of having to arrange everything last-minute. It just wasn’t going to work out, at this point.

Also, there was the financial aspect. I’m not saying I’m broke, I am not. And I actually didn’t spend more money than I was supposed to. But I had put my Paris money in some stocks that seemed like a sure thing at the time, until their value decreased immensely. So I lost some money on that and now I would really have to cut back a lot if I still wanted to pay for doing an internship in this year.

I can hear you asking, what is the plan now? You wouldn’t stop this plan without having an alternative. Well, I would, but I wouldn’t write about it on my blog without an alternative ;)

Starting the end of April, I’m going to work on a campsite in the south of France. I’m hoping to improve my French here, as well as experiencing daily life in France. The plan so far is still to do an internship in Paris, but I will do it after the summer. And possibly (although I don’t think so) after a summer in France, I decide that France is not for me, and I won’t want to go to Paris. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. This plan does mean that I have to pay an extra year of college tuition, which sucks, but it’s a loss I’ll take.

So now I’m up for five months of adventure in the south of France, where I will work hard and save a lot of money, all the while trying to figure out where my final (student-) adventure will take place.

I very much believe that everything happens for a reason, and I’m guessing this too will have its reasons. Maybe I would have died in another attack if I had gone to Paris this spring, or maybe something extraordinary will happen to me while I’m in the south of France, which is why I had to end up there. Whatever it is, it’s going to be great, because I will make it great.

 

The struggles of traveling alone

When I decided to leave my hometown for over a year, without any certainty I would come back there for a long period of time, I was excited. I was so ready for an adventure on my own and I had been living towards the moment of leaving for a very long time.
The first stop was Jakarta, and I would be there for five months. So even though I was going abroad, I still sort of had a home.
And now I have travelled a bit through Indonesia and other parts of Southeast Asia (click here to see where I’ve been) and I came along two struggles that I keep running into (in daily life in Jakarta, as well as when I’m on the road).

Traveling alone vs. seeking out people to travel with.
I usually try to meet some people on couchsurfing to show me around their city, because I like meeting new people and I love it when they can show me all the great places. But I also like to be alone sometimes. But this is a constant dilemma. Because, at times, when I am looking at a great view and enjoying my trip, I would love to be able to share it with someone. But when I am constantly traveling with somebody, it can absorb a lot of my energy also. So for each destination and activity, I try to figure out if I want to do it alone, or if I would like to find a travel companion.

And then, while I am traveling alone, the question is not about finding somebody to travel with, but to socialize in general. For instance, while I am on a seven hour long bus ride, I prefer to be alone, just listen to music, read, sleep… whatever I want basically. These trips tend to take a toll on me even if I am alone, so if I have to talk through it, I will arrive even more exhausted.
But when I am sitting in a restaurant by myself, some company would be appreciated. But, what do you know, in the moments where I want company, it is nowhere to be found (or we have no way of communicating).

Trying to see everything vs. enjoying the moment and relax
Another two parts of me are constantly fighting each other. On the one hand, I really want to see as much as possible and do as much as possible. But I am the kind of person who sincerely enjoys spending a whole day reading a good book, or spending a whole day writing… And while traveling, I always feel guilty when I decide to have a day like this. I feel like I’m not making the most out of my trip and I could do more. I could meet new people, see new places, make new memories. And while most of the times this side of me wins the battle, sometimes I just need (half) a day to unwind, even on short trips. Because when I am at a magical place such as an island inside a lake inside a volcano, I just want to take my time to enjoy the place, and spend all day just staring at the view. And I might as well do this while having my kindle in my lap, reading, and occasionally glancing up with a satisfied sigh.
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